Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin call it quits. Try to act surprised…

I’m back guys, sorry for the long absense, FIU Student Media keeps me busy. Anyway let’s get to it:

According to FOX News, Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin have called off their engagement. As all of you no doubt heard, during the election it was revealed that Bristol Palin was pregnant with the child of fellow student (and douchebag) Levi Johnston. Here is a quick excerpt from the article:

The teenage daughter of former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin and her fiance have broken up just over two months after the birth of the couple’s child.

People.com reported Wednesday that sources said the split between Bristol Palin, 18, and Levi Johnston, 19 occurred a few weeks ago, and Johnston confirmed to the Associated Press that he and Bristol mutually decided to end their relationship ”a while ago.” He did not elaborate.

Palin said in a statement to the Associated Press that she is “devastated.”

First of all I would like to be the first to reply to this by saying I told you so. And contrary to what people say (“I didn’t want to say I told you so…”) I did.

Does this run contrary to my personal beliefs? Yes. Is this, in my opinion, the wrong thing to do on his part? Absolutely. I don’t know about him, but true gentlemen don’t pull that shit. Then again, one can’t expect a 19 year old to act like one. However, if you honestly thought that was going to last, you are crazy.

This kid went from banging the governor’s daughter to being thrust in to a full on political shit storm. The GOP’s PR team turned him from a long-haired, whiskey drinking, 18 year old kid and tried to mold him in to a model citizen, father, and apparently model from a Brooks Brothers catalog, and they failed as I knew they would.

In the end, Levi Johnston isn’t just “the queer that knocked up Palin’s daughter” as my friend Joel (who was the one who emailed me the story) put it. In fact she is kind of hot and most importantly a woman, so he is far from a queer. He is a guy who had a night of passion with a girl and paid a WAY bigger price for it. You can’t put this amount of pressure on an 18 year old and expect him to cope. And with the intense scrutiny from Palin, the GOP, and the media, well that just makes it even worse. I would gladly argue that if his ex-mother in law weren’t pursuing a massive political career, he wouldn’t feel so pressured. 

And now, that the sensation that is Sarah Palin is slowly fading, does it really come as a shock that this child wants out of a situation he was no doubt forced in to for the sake of a, now failed, political campaign? The answer is invariably no. 

Is this the end of the world for either of them? No. There are plenty of kids being raised by single moms, and the turn out okay (At least, I hope I turned out ok).

Bristol Palin has the benefit most single moms out there (my mom included) don’t have. She has money, fame and a stable family to give her support. Levi will be okay too, I am sure he will get to see the kid and play a role in his life.  Sadly, seperated families are a reality we see in society today. Though I don’t think it is great, I by no means a hopeless situation for anyone. A marriage where one person feels forced, will only mess up that kid even more than Sarah Palin will. Leave a comment, let me know what you think.

Why The Thought Of Marriage Shouldn’t Scare Me…

You know, I was once the type of guy that if I didn’t have a girlfriend, I was looking for a girlfriend. But after constantly dating around I lost a bit of focus on the right things, and when a great girl came a long, I wasn’t ready for it. So I decided to take a hiatus for a while, regain my focus and cool my jets a bit. 

But the other day I heard a story about a cousin of mine who is about to face a terrible divorce. After 17 years of marriage and two kids, suddenly she doesn’t feel the love anymore.

Because she doesn’t feel the love anymore she is going to be taking half the house, alimony, child support x 2, and 3/4’s (or all) of his 401k and pension. Oh and not too mention that before she stopped feeling the love, she racked up a substantial amount of credit card bills on the family account.

The reason I am doing this post the day before valentines day is because I want to make a point. That sadly we live in a world where marriage can be dissolved as quickly as it can be created. Marriage in 2009 is not marriage in 1960. 

That being said marriage is not doomed from the start. I think it’s up to the individuals involved to understand that no matter what, they will always fight for the relationship. And in the end if she takes all your money, and your house, you will know that you fought for it and this is God putting this in your path. 

For the longest time I have always been the biggest “pre-nup” fan. My good friend Joel and I have arguments about it all the time. But in the end I see his point a little more than I see my own.

When you sign a pre-nup, when you bring that factor in a new marriage, it adds a sort of underlying level of distrust. It’s saying “Hey, I hope we don’t fail at our marriage, but I want to be prepared if we do.” I mean most will agree that regardless, it says a lot.

So tomorrow while everyone is with their sweetheart (or writing a philosophy paper and studying for a math exam like me) just keep that in mind. Keep that vigor for the relationship that you have tomorrow every day. Valentines day shouldn’t just be a once a year thing.

Thirty Days of Online Dating.

*This is a follow-up to my first post, “A Skeptic’s Journey in to The World of Online Dating“.*

After experiencing my full thirty days in the world of online dating, my opinion on it really hasn’t changed. Frankly, I couldn’t wait until the thirty days were over, so I can pull my profile and walk away, returning to the real world. Online dating is in essence, an over simplification of the common social ritual of courtship, where a person forgoes meeting their soul mate in person, and instead is matched on inputs, algorithms, and compatibility tests. Then again, the Internet does do a great job of simplifying things for us.

All the women I seemed to meet on that were each very different. Some were actually very nice, and some were very creepy, and some were very hot. But they all shared this sort of ambivalence to it all, like if they are there because past experiences have forced them to be there. I made it a point to ask why they decided to log on and give this a try, and the answers varied a little in detail, but were basically the same. “Well I was in a relationship and that ended. I really couldn’t find anyone out there so I decided to give this a try.” Thats when I began to sympathize.

Honestly, this day and age (sorry for sounding like a baby boomer) it is really hard to find someone. I mean, lately the girls I am meeting are really terrible, so I am not surprised that these women are having a hard time meeting someone too. Good people are a dying breed. My friend Jordan says that it’s because of the fundamental break down of society’s morals, and it’s getting harder not to agree with him. So even though I may not be a big fan of online dating site, I can understand why people use them.

So in the end what have I learned from my month long tour of duty in the trenches of online dating? Well, basically that despite it be impersonal, computerized, dull, cold, and all that…it’s needed. People need a new ways to meet other people, people they normally wouldn’t meet. I must admit that deep down I have always had a sort of curisosity about online dating sites, but now I know that it’s just not for me…at least not yet anyway.

Things I’ve Learned…

My hommage to the Esquire’s “Things I’ve Learned…” issue.

Jorge Valens, 22, Blogger

Spending above your means doesn’t get you anywhere. Sure, the eight bedroom house and the Ferrari are great, but you really can’t enjoy them if you are too worried about trying to pay for them. It will all come in time, with hard work, dedication, and patience.

The idea that money doesn’t buy you happiness is a lie. Money CAN buy you happiness, be it temporary.  The thing about money is that it’s finite. You can run out of it, it can be destroyed, or you could wake up one morning, turn on CNBC and find that it’s all gone. I find the people that are most happy are the ones who’s riches aren’t tangible. Faith in God, friendships, family, love are the true measures of a man’s wealth and success. In the end a man can have everything yet nothing, while another can have nothing yet everything.

Friends are great. But friends who disagree with you are even better.

Father/Son relationshipsare nice to have, but aren’t really necessary if you have one kick ass mom.

Failure can be a good thing. I have always learned more from failing at one thing, than succeeding at ten things. If you do it long enough, you stop fearing it and start embracing it, all the while telling yourself “Well thank God that didn’t go on much longer.” Cut your loses and get back up on that horse.

The word help was never really in my vocabulary until two or three weeks ago. It was more of a pride issue than anything else. I wanted to prove that I could do it all on my own. In reality it takes a bigger man to ask for help, than it does to do it all on your own. Asking for help or guidance is something everyone needs to do, and would save you a lot of time and worry in the end.

Laziness is an illness. The cure is maturity, productivity, and dropping the power cord for your Xbox in a bank safe deposit box.

Netflix is the greatest thing since cheese.

I am addicted to my Blackberry. It’s too late to give it up, and it’s too late to save me. Wait I just got an email…

You can lead a horse you water. You can sit there pointing at the water, watching the horse die of thirst. If it doesn’t want to drink, it’s not going to happen.

Don’t settle…ever.

The phrase “live without regrets” is bullshit. Regrets will always teach you a valuable lesson. So live with a few regrets, they’ll make you better.

Be bold and daring. Taking a chance is the closest thing to sky diving without having to, um, jump out of a plane.

Wanting someone that doesn’t want you sucks. Being on both sides of this equation, I can safely say that. But that doesn’t mean things can’t change, for better or worse.

Advice is a great thing to get. But in the end, the only people that know best is you and God. Take it all with a grain of salt and do what you think is best for you. If it doesn’t work out, well you’ll have a nice regret to make sure you don’t do it again.

After trading in my Audi A4 for a Honda Accord, I can safely say that a Honda Accord isn’t actually half bad.

A Skeptic’s Journey in to The World of Online Dating

 

I was sitting around with a few friends of mine, laughing and sharing horror stories from past relationships. One of them recently met a very nice girl on one of these internet dating sites, and the relationship has been going strong for a little over a year now. Frankly I think he wouldn’t mind being in one of those cheesy, success story commercials, with all the hugging and sweet talk. Soon the conversation shifted towards selling me on this whole internet dating craze, something I am not particularly a huge fan of.

I have always considered online dating as a sort of a last stand for my love life. I think people (including myself) see online dating as this bastion of loneliness and desperation. Where people, at their wits end with “the real world” go and try their luck to find love. They have their reasons for jumping in to the world of online dating. Some are terribly shy, and prefer the anonymity of it all, some don’t have the time to go out and meet people (which makes me wonder where they are going to find the time to date the people they meet online), and some  do it to cheat on their spouses just do it for the sake of experiencing something new.

My main argument was that I do alright (understatement) with women and that I really don’t need to do the whole online dating thing. So he hands me a one month subscription card to a popular online dating service (I’d rather not say which one I used, but it’s a popular one). He goes on to tell me that he promises I will meet someone great and that I should totally check it out instead of “talking out my ass”. So I decided not only to take him up on it, partially out of surrender and mild curiosity, but also to detail my experience for you guys. So here goes…

The basic feel of these sites makes dating and that fun of “the chase” seem so mundane. I felt like a rich industrialist (or Eliot Spitzer), browsing a binder full of escorts. I am a guy who totally appreciates the personal, real life experience of meeting a girl and this totally removes that factor. It feels cold, and almost voyeuristic in a way. You sit a your computer, slowly scrolling through the pages, neatly sorted and organized, displaying results based on the criteria you specify. You read each profile, quickly glancing to the left, where a chart details your compatibility on 24 or so different categories…obviously a computerized process. Ultimately it’s just not fun. You are literally sitting there, forcing yourself to go through page after page, profile after profile, it can get monotonous. 

The profiles posted read much like the next. A quick description of who they are, what they like to do, followed by a dissertation of what they want their “prince charming” to be like. Usually it’s some sort of existential reference about how they should love life, and be adventurous. On the flip side they want someone dependable, caring, “not afraid to share their feelings” and be a good listener. Littered throughout are small little references about how they are above “the games”, this usually hints at the rather turbulent love life that led them to this in the first place. 

The women on these sites are surprisingly diverse, from different backgrounds and different circumstances. Some are obviously there for sex, and that’s apparent, usually the overly explicit “What I Do For Fun” section is a dead give away and some are there in search of a suitable father figure for their kid(s). However, I think most of the women on these types of sites tend to have their heart in the right place, and are driven to this because they are desperate (sorry I tried not to use this word), have been burned by a few bad relationships, or just want to give it a try so as to “experience something new”. Thats not to say that there aren’t a couple (yet another understatement) of crazies. 

You can usually identify them by their eagerness to take your conversations to the next level in a short period of time. I definitely encountered one of those, who was eager to cut to the chase and get me on the phone. Not gonna happen. Fortunately my time spent in the trenches dating crazy girls in high school and college has given me a sixth sense and an amazing ability to see in to the future. I very much like my phone number and I don’t want to change it. It’s the level of anonymity that really defines the online dating world. Because ultimately you can test the waters a bit and see if this person has the potential to say…key the word “asshole” in to the hood of your car. These sites are usually good about having every type of communication self contained within the site, so as to let the user govern how much info they want to reveal. At the same time, that anonymity often leads to people adding a little fiction to their profiles, but frankly thats expected. 

Unless you meet that special someone you are going to spend the foreseeable future rest of your life with, the value of these types of sites are minimal at best. Aside ridiculous fee structures (monthly payments billed all at once) and high costs, there are various a la carte options, obviously feeding to the obsessive. Mobile phone access for $4.99, Email Read Confirmation for $4.99 (Five bucks a month and you can keep clicking refresh until it’s read!), and some others that are equally as disturbing. Also the fact that a large portion of people on this site are inactive, as in they have created profiles but never checked them is a concern. This doesn’t help much considering that another large portion of people are active but are not paid subscribers. This does tend to limit the scope of these sites, and frankly the exorbitant cost is no doubt to blame.  

Not too long ago, the debate was that the internet was slowly diminishing its users’ social skills and this was the focal point of the argument. The internet has successfully condensed the process of courtship, in to a mundane, effortless procedure made efficient for people to do on the fly, and to an extent that is true. However, finally experiencing this first hand, I can say that this in no way will replicate the fun of the real life experience. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I just love that feeling of being out somewhere and approaching a beautiful woman only to have a great conversation and a great time. It’s a rush…this however isn’t. This is impersonal, cold, computerized and can’t replicate the experience. 

Would I recommend this to a friend? Probably not. My results were more or less exactly what I expected, however it really didn’t do anything for me. I know some people swear by this and that is cool, I am not saying it won’t work for anyone or that you are a fool for doing it. I am just saying that this isn’t the best way. What I have taken away from this experience is that this shouldn’t be your last resort. Don’t do this because you feel like you can’t get anyone without it. I am a firm believer that no one is out of anyones league and that love and relationships shouldn’t be left up to some computer matching system endorse by Dr. Phil (who is a jackass).

Sadly in the end, internet dating sites are just huge matchmaking machines that “match you on 70 levels of compatibility” or follow the “key values for success”. It’s these gimmicks that communicate the mantra of the average online dating site. “Don’t worry, we are going to use all this BS to find your soulmate guaranteed. You just sit back and relax and we’ll take care of all the romance for you!” Folks get out there. Go to fun places, do fun things, live life and the perfect match will find you. Peace Out!

A Quick Thought: “Some People Just Don’t Change”

I remember my friend told me one day that “if you surround yourself with good people, good things will happen to you.” That has always stayed with me because it makes so much sense. I think sometimes we enter in to relationships with people, and as we discover things about them, things we don’t like, we seem to close our eyes, plug our ears, and hope that it changes or goes away. But in the end, some people won’t change, and by the time you realize it, it’ll be too late. So all this time, whizzing by all those red flags, all those warning signs, you will stand there, and embrace the inevitability you ignored. Whether it’s a friend, or a boyfriend or girlfriend, it applies to everyone. Make sure you are with the people around you because you admire who they are, not because you admire what you can make them to be. Peace Out.

ADDENDUM:

Hey just wanted to add something. This isn’t any sort of emo manifestation of anything happening in my personal life. I just spoke to someone about a problem they were having and this observation came to mind. Thought I’d share. 

Textversations: Why Serious Conversations Should Not Be Had Over Text

I have always been an avid texter. In fact, I can safely say I used my phone more for texting and email rather than actual phone calls. It’s quick, convenient, and also cool. It’s quiet so you can do it in a meeting, or in class. And the other person can read it when they want to. But lately, after various events in my life, I have changed my position slightly on texting. Before I keep going is it “I texted her” or “I text her”? My friend says that text in the past sense is still text. If anyone can get back to me on that I would appreciate it. So back to the subject at hand. I think we, as a tech savvy society that we no doubt are, are letting SMS become a very prevalent mode of communication. We text each other for everything, which looking at it for what it’s worth isn’t a bad thing. I mean living in an age where information and communication happens instantly is a marvel of our times and a major step forward in out evolution as a society. But we abuse that ability constantly. Being able to send short, quick bursts text messages has sort of gone in it’s own direction. We have developed a set language for it based on abbreviations which, convenient as it is, is sort of hindering our vocabulary. Sociologists think that in 50 years well will be saying “BTW” instead of by the way. LOL is the one that scares me the most. We have taken an emotion and translated that down to three letters. You know when you say LOL, 90% of the time you aren’t laughing out loud and you know it. The other day I was talking to my friends, and one of them said LOL while laughing. I think everyone got the point of what I am saying now then after that. Turn off your computer for a while and just, read a book or something. I mean every now and then I will say “WTF” when I am doing my Dane Cook impression (if you ever see me, ask me to do it. I don’t like to toot my own horn, but it’s awesome) but I am not that bad. 

You can see it sort of worsening through the younger age groups. At the time I was 21, I went out with a girl who was 19. She had this horrible habit of literally conducting every conversation we have over text message. The bad thing about text message is that it’s emotionless. For the record, , , :-/, and :-$ (whatever that one is) are NOT emotions. I will not let a colon and parenthesis simulate the look on my face. Conversations over text lead to confusion. Can you tell if I am happy or sad? Of course not. So what do you think happened? After the second 3 page text I got out of there faster than if a grenade landed in my fox hole. Moral of the story, never date a girl who prefers texting over actually, you know, conversation. Your bill will go up, and your thumbs will hurt.

Texting rocks. It’s one of the best way to communicate with anyone you know. But honestly, lets every now and then put our phones down and remember that we all live relatively close to each other on this little blueberry called Earth. Give someone a call, use video chat even, something that you don’t have to type on. C U L8tr.

The Most Powerful Button On Facebook

I was just sitting here playing with my Facebook and I was wondering how horrible it would be if everyone broke up using the cancel relationship button. Couldn’t they have named that better? Think about it, you are checking your Facebook and notice you boyfriend/girlfriend had just suddenly ended your relationship and moved on. I mean come on…that has got to be a lousy situation that I AM SURE has happened before. By far it has to be one of the most powerful internet links.

Sent from Jorge’s iPhone.

Oldie But Goldie: Lessons Learned…

I found this posted on my MySpace. I had just ended a very brief yet horrible relationship, and this is basically a summary of all the lessons I have learned in the brief time since I turned 21. Stuff I learned from personal experience, and some that I learned through the eyes of others.When I wrote it, I was listening to “Easy Tiger” by Ryan Adams. That album is just as awesome then as it is now. Enjoy…

The best way to learn is through experience. And it’s those experiences that in the end make us better, whether the out come was good or bad. In the short couple of months since I turned 21, I have learned a lot of things. Some times I learned the easy way, and sometimes, the very, very hard way. I knew I would eventually learn these things, it never dawned upon me that I would learn them so soon, but God likes to teach us things on His own time, not on mine. And at the very least I find it comforting, because if it were up to me to learn everything on my own time table, I never would. Sometimes you learn through your own experiences, and sometimes it’s through the eyes of another. But you still learn it. And in the end, regardless of outcome, you are grateful for the lesson.

 

• Decisions are hard. No matter what you are trying to decide between they can get difficult. You’ll make some good ones and you’ll make some bad ones. But when you make the bad ones, take responsibility for it and try to never do it again. Dwell on it for the purpose of reminding yourself that you should probably never do that again and move on.
• If a person likes you, they won’t try to change you. And if all the little things become big issues, move on. Cause that means that person can’t see past the little things (for one reason or another) and as a result, won’t be able to see the bigger picture. 
• Don’t be a push over. Stand your ground. If the other person can’t see logic and reason when it comes to something simple, then they are never going to see it. Life is too damn short to be dealing with drama and insecurities. Finding someone who jives with you is hit or miss. And chances are you’ll miss a lot before you hit, so be patient.
• Let people talk crap. Caring about what they say is giving them too much attention. Just be happy when you know good people who know who you really are and how full of it they are. When people talk trash, they end up looking a lot worse than what they are saying about you. If they really knew who you were, then they’d know that what you say isn’t true.  
• Don’t doubt yourself and don’t worry about the future. Success won’t come if you are too busy worrying about where you are going to end up. It’ll come when you trust God with the things you can and can’t control and apply all the energy you use worrying about the future to doing things in the present. Success is in the eye of the beholder. And sometimes it isn’t measured by how much money you may have or how powerful you are.  
• Just as you shouldn’t let people change you, you can’t change other people. No matter how close that person is to you if they are set on decision, nothing will change how they feel. You can lead the horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. Even if you feel a little betrayed because you expected more of them, in the end, if they aren’t willing to fix their mistake, they don’t see it as one. Then what that means is the lesson you are trying to teach them will have to be learned the hard way.
• Something is one thousand times better when you are waiting to have it. Then, once you have it in your hands, you run the risk of something terrible happening. Realizing that it’s not all you thought it was going to be, and what you left behind is actually better. So next time you get all crazy on the hype, take a few steps back, breathe, and analyze the situation. You may be surprised as to what you may find out.
• My friend always says “Surround yourself with good people. Because when you do, good things tend to happen to you.” This statement is completely true and totally speaks for itself.

So, yeah, pretty much the major points of the last 2 months are right here. Can’t wait to see what else is in store.