Somebody PLEASE cancel FOX & Friends

This video speaks for itself…

Nice one Brian Kilmeade. You know, if FOX didn’t have FOX & Friends I really wouldn’t make fun of it so much.

Why People Should Give A Shit.

The other night a friend of mine said something rather inappropriate to someone else over dinner. It was a bit out of left field, a bit vulgar, but all in all the term I would use to describe it is “inappropriate”.

I decided to confront this person privately and remind them that “Yo, you can’t just blurt crazy things like that out.” To which this person replied with the eight words that have protected acts of ignorance acts for so long.

“Well I don’t give a shit what people think!”

The problem with that statement, is that it doesn’t absolve you from being an asshole. Sure, if some one says “Well Jorge’s shirt is ugly.” Then I can rehtort with “Well I don’t give a shit about what they think.” But if I am in court charged with murder, and the judge asks me why I killed the guy, he won’t let me off the hook just because of my blatent disregard for people’s thoughts and feelings.

You see, not giving a shit is not some sort of blanket statement to justify whatever action you deemed appropriate. You can’t just offend someone and say you don’t give a shit about what they think, thats just not cool. Sure the person who keeps this in their armory of responses will argue that they go against the norm. Well, there’s being different and going against the norm, and there’s being an asshole.

Don’t be an asshole.

Consider this a The Jorge Zone public service announcement.

Ladies and Gentlemen…Joe Biden!

Joe Biden apologized today for the first absolutely hilarious, yet mildy inappropriate comment he made about John Roberts. Here’s a excerpt from CNN:

An aide to Vice President Joe Biden tells CNN he called Chief Justice John Roberts last week to apologize for a light-hearted remark he made over the flubbed Inauguration Day oath of office.

“My memory is not as good as Justice Roberts, Chief Justice Roberts,” Biden said last Wednesday, as he asked for a copy of the oath he was using to swear in senior members of the White House staff.

Several staffers reacted to the comment with groans and laughter, though President Obama, standing next to Biden, did not crack a smile.

Another great thing is that this not only gave us a view in to the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory that is Joe Biden’s mind, but we did get to see Barack Obama’s STFU face. And it is priceless.

Come on guys, this is Joe Biden at his best. Where most people think that this is Joe Biden’s flaw, I disagree. Joe Biden is one of my favorite democrats because he lives off the cuff and basically says what other people are thinking. Frankly in the dull world of politics, soaked in formalities and “ho hum” pleasantries, Joe Biden is REAL. 

 Barack Obama has potentially eight years in office, can you imagine what Joe Biden could say (or do) in those eight years. I personally can’t wait. Keep up the good work Joe.

Google Image Search is a Powerful Tool

Where else can you google “Cheetos Cat Commercial” and find a girl in a bath tub full of puffy cheetos…

I am at a loss for words. I have a lot of unanswered questions now…

Anyway, have a great week. Got some cool stuff coming up. Stay tuned…

My Inner Thoughts While Dancing at a Night Club

I hate nightclubs, so most of the time when I am there, I usually let my mind wander as I explore a bit and do some people watching…

You know the next time a girl gives me some feminist rant about how men make more money that she does I am going to remind her she doesn’t have to pay twenty dollars cover to get in to a night club. I should be able to get in free at nightclubs, I’m cool. 

Man this music sucks. And why are there so many damn sirens? What do you do during a siren? You can’t dance to the siren, you can’t have a conversation during the siren. So do I just stand here? Oh okay, siren’s over. Wow that girl is hot…ah but her friend isn’t. Oh crap, here comes the weird shot girl…

Shot Girl: Hey you want a shot?!
Jorge: Nah, I’m good thanks!
Shot Girl: Why not?!
Jorge: Well, I don’t make it a habit of drinking stuff that comes out of a test tube in the middle of a nightclub!
Shot Girl: ::confused look:: Um…okay!?

Later on that evening…

Aw they are kicking the ugly girl off of the dance platform, that sucks. Is she crying? Somebody should tell her that life isn’t all about dancing up by the speaker. I don’t think that’s worth crying for. Let me go check my phone, it’s 2 A.M. and my mom probably has an Amber Alert out on me. Hey look it’s Jordan…

Jordan: Man there are more dudes than chicks out there…it’s a sausagefest!
Jorge: Bro tell me about it! Did you see the girl who got kicked off the dancing thing by the speaker!? She was crying!
Jordan: Which one the ugly one!? Yeah well what do you expect?! I mean that sucks but she has to understand that there are certain requirements you need to have to dance there!
Jorge: Yeah I guess you make a good point! 
Jordan: Man I haven’t eaten anything, I’m tired, I’m cranky, I’m pissed…this shit sucks!
Jorge: WHAT?!
Jordan: THIS SHIT SUCKS! This is proof that if you aren’t drunk in a nightclub you don’t have a good time. Like why bother coming if you aren’t gonna drink?
Jorge: Can you believe some midget asked these girls if they wanted to be in a porno upstairs?!
Jordan: Dude that is nuts, society is going to hell!
Jorge: WHAT?!
Jordan: SOCIETY IS GOING TO HELL!

I bet midget porn stars make good money…it has to be a niche market. Oh God, here comes another shot girl…

Shot Girl #2: Hey, you want a shot?!
Jorge: No, I am fine thanks!
Shot Girl #2: Aw come on why not?!
Jorge: No I can’t actually I have two surgeries scheduled in the morning!
Shot Girl #2: You’re a doctor?!
Jorge: Not quite, I am a cardiovascular veterinarian!
Shot Girl #2: Woooow thats sooo cool. Good luck tomorrow!
Jorge: Yeah thanks, good luck ummm selling shots?!

Later on that evening, dancing in the salsa room…

Man the Chargers rocked the Colts tonight, I love when games go to OT. Man, I think Jen is a bit drunk…

Jorge: Jen are you drunk?!
Jen: WOOOOOOOOOHOOOO!!!

Yep Jen is smashed. I think I am going to watch Wall-E when I get home, I love that damn robot. Whoa! Did somebody just grab my ass? I have been groped a few times in here already. Everyone is shoving everyone around, this is chaos. You know next time we are going to Bongos…at least it’s better there for latin music. Hey here comes Juan & Joey…

Juan: Dude next time we are going to Bongos, this place sucks for salsa!
Jorge: I was just thinking the same thing!
Joel: Bro, you want to go home? I am tired and this place kind of blows.
Jorge: Agreed. Lets get out of here.

Man I’m hungry…I want some freedom toast. My ears are ringing big time, I feel like I took a grenade in Call of Duty 4. Wow that girl is really hot. Is that a forty ounce beer in her hand? Damn she doesn’t mess around.

So there you have it…thats what goes through my mind in a night club.

The Four Types of Idiots on Xbox Live

After playing on Xbox LIVE for a while, you tend to realize what a cesspool of ignorance and stupidity it has become. I guess that’s what happens with you empower the ignorant with anonymity and the ability to fight you on some digital battlefield. But basically it all comes down to basically four types of people.

The Self Assigned Leader

This one is more annoying than offensive, but in his annoyance…he will offend you. This is the person is the one who will squawk orders in to his microphone incessantly, completely oblivious to the fact that nobody gives a shit. Failure is not an option for this person, as they will no doubt remind you of this various times throughout the game with the usual dramatic affect. “Come on guys let’s storm the gate! WE CAN’T LOSE!”  His desperate pleas for help however go unanswered. Eventually, the self assigned leader will grow quiet, engulfed with shame that he could not gloriously bring his team to victory. The best way to handle this douche bag is to let him be. Much like a California wildfire, you must let him burn himself out.

The Racist

This one is my personal favorite, as he is the most entertaining when pissed off. The Racist, fueled with the power of anonymity, will use Xbox LIVE to broadcast his various grievances with other races. After a while, he will start accusing people of being “Jews” and finds people speaking in a language other than “American” offensive to the point of confrontation. His views on life are generously skewed to the far right, and it may be hard to understand him due to his heavy southern accent. He is a shining example of why the world hates us. The best thing to do if you come across a racist on Xbox Live is to just mute him, so as to keep your ears free of ignorance. But if you felt so inclined, calling him a “dirty racist redneck” usually induces a comically ignorant response.

The Annoying Eight Year Old

This is a child who’s parents really don’t pay to much attention to. A dead give away of this would be the fact that he is eight and playing Gears of War 2, to hell with the rating system right? This kid will usually just do very irritating things over the microphone, such as singing, repeating a phrase over and over again, or singing a phrase over and over again. They are usually more foul mouthedyou would think an 8 year old will be (all the more reason to home school your kids). Sadly there is no perfect tactic to combat the annoying child. If you mute him he will continue to annoy at the end of the game, where you’ll have to mute him again. If you call his mother a skank or insult him in anyway he will only grow more annoying. Basically treat him like a T-Rex from Jurassic Park, just don’t move and don’t look at him and he’ll eventually get bored and move along.

The Pessimist

I saved quite possibly the best for last. The Pessimist is notorious for reminding you that you, and the rest of the team suck. Regardless of the fact that he has two kills and fourteen deaths, he will continue to jabber on about how useless everyone is. He will ask why you all are sniping or why you keep dying. He will curse at you as a part of some strange motivational speech that will end with some sort of racial slur (much like “The Racist”). To best deal with this guy, just insult him to his very core, and then combat his attacks with logic and reason and you should be fine.

“Who Throws A Shoe? Honestly…”

I can’t stop watching this video. Whether you like George Bush or not, you have to give it to him…the man is quick. In fact I am fairly positive that if he had just dodged shoes his entire presidency, his approval rating would be higher.

My thoughts and prayers are with the lovely Dana Perino right now, who is recovering from a black eye after a reporter shoved a microphone in it. And also with the Secret Service agent who was no doubt fired for allowing not one, but TWO shoes to be thrown at the President. If I were Barack Obama now, I’d be slightly worried about my Secret Service detail.

Sarah Palin & The Turkey Massacre

Here is the newest Sarah Palin blunder making it’s way around the YouTube.

Viewer Disrection is Advised

Sarah Palin seems to be rambling on about something, as she frequently does. The reason I don’t know what she is talking about is because I was too busy watching the what appears to be a turkey genocide going on behind her. You know, I tried not to be to rough on her during the election. I always gave her credit when it was due (that one time), but this? Come on…

Who thought this location was a great place for an interview? Someone told me that she was ok with doing the interview on that spot, but I REFUSE to believe that. Because honestly, no one is that dense. Was there no one that told her “Um, Govenor Palin, maybe we should pardon the turkey elsewhere, so as to not interrupt the turkey massacre that is happening behind you?” Olbermann put it best last night. What has to happen behind this woman for her to consider relocating to another spot?

The best thing about this entire video was not Sarah Palin, but the dude behind her, constantly looking back, with the greatest “WTF?” look on his face, dripping in turkey blood. Even the turkey executioner was wondering what the hell this woman was doing standing here? I would list all the places where this interview would have gone better, but I don’t have enough room on the Internet. Peace Out.

Post IKEA Stress Disorder

My God, what a dreadful place. I went shopping around today for a new office chair. Considering my dream chair was a bit out of my price range, I decided to check out the brand new IKEA store in Sunrise, FL. At first you are taken aback by the whole grand experience that is the IKEA store, until you walk in. You are first greeted by an abraisive IKEA employee, directing you to the sole, upward moving escalator.

“Do not take your shopping carts to the second floor. No pets allowed inside the store. Please be mindful of your children. Please use your IKEA store guides.” 

She repeated this over and over as she shook her head at a woman, who obnoxiously walked around with her teacup chihuahua. As you ascend the escalator you enter the IKEA showroom. A twisted maze, where people are herded like cattle down a one way path. As you mindlessly walk these paths surrounded by plain, simplistic, assemble yourself furniture. Never have I seen so much particle board and formica in my life. Every single product in the store has some strange, foreign sounding name like gungrout and farflen, heavy on the consonants and umlauts. 

I just wanted one office chair. After speaking to three completely useless, completely impersonal sales people, and discovering that IKEA only has ONE type of office chair I decided I wanted to leave. But that is easier said than done. Winding in and out of maze of madness, I quickly find out that you are literally forced to walk the whole way around the store to find the exit…merely 50 feet away from the entrance. That is a long way around.

If you ever see me inside an IKEA store again, it’s because the zombie invasion has finally occurred, and the IKEA store is the last place of refuge for the uninfected. It’s has mastered an impersonal approach to peddling poorly crafted home furnishing that you are forced to assemble yourself. It’s like a double slap in the face. “Here is your poorly made, highly priced furniture. Oh BTW, you have to put it together yourself.” What a home furnishing megastore with a cult following couldn’t provide me, Office Depot could. Peace Out.

“The Oval Office”

Check out my friend Raul’s new video about about what goes on behind the scenes in the Oval Office. It’s quite long, but it’s excellent. Commit to it I promise. Anyway, I am taking a day off today, I am all blogged out. Enjoy the vid and have a great Thursday!

-Jorge

Get Ready To Laugh Like A Doofus For An Hour

I have seen this MAYBE….40 times. I can’t stop laughing. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. Enjoy.